I believe that for women to have equity in society, we need to have equity at home. Mockingbird Learning exists to help you deconstruct the patriarchal systems, unequal expectations, and inherited gender roles that have normalized domestic inequality. Through writing, coaching, and education, I help people see these systems clearly, question what we've inherited, and build homes and relationships rooted in equity.
Not too long ago, I was overworked and overwhelmed.
My story starts like a lot of women: my maternity leave ended. I didn't realize how much of the mental load I was carrying until I went from having one job to two: my consulting job and being a mom. But why didn't my husband's workload suddenly double? He was more than happy to do anything I asked, but why was I asking?
It wasn't him, and it wasn't me. It was the fact that we were navigating a system that was never designed for equal partnership in the first place. So, we created our own systems, learning and unlearning a lot of things along the way.
i can help because i've been there
What do women actually need ?
When I started Mockingbird Learning, I had every intention of helping women with time management and system-building strategies. But I quickly realized this: women don't need any more tips or tricks.
We need support, and we need to get rid of the double standards at home. Women have made a lot of progress at work and out in the world, but we haven't really changed our expectations of men at home. And everyone is harmed by that.
We all deserve to live in a society where the work is shared fairly at home, where women aren’t overwhelmed or resentful about doing more than their fair share, where we aren’t boxed in by gendered expectations, and where our kids grow up with positive examples of equity at home.
MY STORY: WHY THIS MATTERS SO MUCH TO ME
It was a Thursday evening and dinner is in the oven when my husband got a call from our 4 week-old baby's pediatrician. "We just got the test results back. You need to take him to the hospital right now."
That's not what we expected to hear. He had taken him to the ER the night before, they ran some tests, and he seemed to be doing better all day. All of the sudden, I was frantically putting things into a bag and getting him out the door as quickly as possible.
Thankfully, we have a healthy, happy kid who made a full recovery. But in that moment, everything was uncertain. I didn't realize it until months later, but there was one thing that held everything together for the 10 days we spent taking turns caring for each of our boys (one at home and one in the hospital).
It was my trust in my husband's ability to keep everything else together for as long as he needed to, and his trust in me to do the same. That trust allowed us both to focus completely on what was most important in the moment.
He didn't need a list, or reminders, or instructions. He already knew what to do. He controlled the situation, so our three-year-old felt safe. He got him to bed, then up and to school. He arranged for extra help. He contacted our families. All while supporting me emotionally (one month postpartum) through the whole thing.
That's what it looks like to have an equal partner. Not just one who does their share of the chores, but one who shares in managing the mental load and emotional labor too, so you're not carrying it all alone.
Will it always be perfect? Of course not. But having someone who shares the mental load gives you the time and space to focus on what you need, not just what everyone else needs.
What if you had to drop everything?
let's work together
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