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 Or, like most people, did you just fall into routines and habits based on what you each thought you should be doing? 

Maybe you eventually realized that things don't seem to be divided fairly, especially when it comes to the mental load of who is responsible for keeping everything running smoothly.

This course is not just about dividing up chores. It's about examining why and how one of you became the default manager of your lives while the other is going with the flow. Then making changes that last, so you have an equal partnership with a balance that makes both of your lives easier and more sustainable.

It's Thursday evening and dinner is in the oven when your husband gets a call from your 4 week-old baby's pediatrician.

"We just got the test results back. You need to take him to the hospital right now." 

That's not what you expected to hear. Your husband had taken him to the ER the night before, they ran some tests, and he seemed to be doing better all day. But now, you're frantically putting things into a bag and getting him out the door as quickly as you can.

About a year ago, that was my Thursday evening.

Thankfully, we have a healthy, happy one year old who made a full recovery. But in that moment, everything was uncertain.

After that phone call, my husband did two things I'll never take for granted. The first was that he gave me a choice: do you want to take him, or do you want to stay with our three year old? I wanted to take him.

The second is the foundation of our partnership. It was my trust in him as a dad to our oldest son and in his ability to keep everything else together for as long as he needed to. That trust allowed me to focus completely on what was most important in that moment (and for the ten days after that while we took turns caring for each of our boys at home and at the hospital).

He controlled the situation, so our three year old felt safe. He got him to bed, then up and to school. He arranged for extra help. He contacted our families. All while supporting me emotionally (one month postpartum) through the whole thing.

That's what it looks like to have an equal partner. Not just one who does their share of the chores, but one who shares in managing the mental load and emotional labor too, so you're not carrying it all alone.

Will it always be perfect? Of course not. But having someone who shares the mental load gives you the time and space to focus on what you need, not just what everyone else needs.

The mental load is the often-invisible work that is required to manage your job, family, relationships, and household. It's everything that goes into keeping your life together (and your family's lives too). 

And as you probably know, it's a lot to manage.

Research shows that women are disproportionately carrying this burden, even when they work the same number of hours as their husbands, and especially if they have kids.

The real-life impact of being overwhelmed by your mental load is stress, burnout, resentment, and relationship strain. That's what we want to avoid, and sharing the mental load is the way to do it.

"I've tried, but it just doesn't seem to last."

Sharing the mental load doesn't come naturally to most couples. That's because we're all shaped by our experiences (from childhood on), social norms, the media, and people, and we live in a society that puts different burdens and expectations on women and men. 

Being overwhelmed by the mental load or having imbalance in your relationship isn't just a personal issue or a relationship issue. It's a systemic issue.

The bad news is, we can't fix the system. But the good news is, we can make real changes in our own home. (We can also be an example to others, like our children, which is how progress is made over time.)

That's why I put together this course. Mental Load in Balance doesn't just help you divide up a chore chart or use a shared calendar. 

It takes you through a transformative process, helping you identify where exactly the imbalance is coming from and how you can make changes that actually last over time.

"But, my husband just doesn't get it."

The mental load doesn't have to be divided equally to see results. When you're carrying 90% of it, even getting to 70/30 can feel life changing. 

The goal of this course is to help you create a more balanced and equitable home where no one is overwhelmed by what needs to get done or resentful of who does and doesn't have to do it. It's not that everything has to be divided equally, but it should feel fair.

So many couples struggle with finding a fair balance at home. In this course, I want to give you a new way of approaching this challenge that starts at the source.

The course is broken into 7 modules, each containing several lessons (5-minutes on average, with 41 lessons in total). Each module contains at least one exercise, so you can implement what you've learned.

Once you've joined the course, you can take the lessons at your own pace, but I lay out a plan to complete the course in 4 weeks (because real change takes a little time).

The lessons include: 

• What is "the mental load"?
• How to have conversations about the mental load productively
• How mental load imbalance isn't a just personal or relationship issue, it's systemic
• How mental load imbalance harms both men and women
• The spectrum of default parenting versus equal parenting and how to determine what works best for your family
• How both our past experiences and societal expectations impact the way we divide things at home
• How time inequality shows up in relationships
• How to create systems, habits, and routines that work for you (and how to maintain them over time)
• Real-life examples you can steal or adapt to fit your life

It's not just about dividing up chores. It's about examining why and how you became the default manager of your lives while he is going with the flow. Then making changes that last, so you have an equal partnership with a balance that makes both of your lives easier and more sustainable. 

If you’ve ever thought:

"Why am I the one who remembers everything?"
"If I don’t do it, it won’t get done."
"Why can’t they just see what needs to be done? Do I always have to ask?"

You're not alone. And the fact that he's "a good husband" or "a good dad" doesn't always mean things are balanced or fair.

This is a first step toward fixing that imbalance.
 

This isn't a personal issue or some moral failure. It's a systemic burden our society disproportionately places on women.

Women are often expected to do things that men are not even expected to notice, and it keeps us from having truly equal partnerships. 

Whether you’ve been struggling silently or tried everything you can think of to improve things, this course is for you.

 To get the most out of the course, I recommend that you both it, either separately or together. (You can take it alone first.) Once you have access to the course, you can replay it as many times as you need to.

One of the hardest things about sharing the mental load is maintaining it over time.

You might have productive conversations and feel like things are going well for a few days or weeks, then you're back to doing it all yourself. 

The reason it doesn't last is this: the issue is not personal and it's not your relationship. It's systemic. 

And because it's systemic, it requires a framework to get to the heart of the imbalance, so you can solve it in a way that lasts. That's what this course provides.